Finding Happiness
by Flono
Summary: My first fanfic. An alternative story following up on the death of Stellar. Shinn x Stellar. Hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it.


I do not own Gundam Seed Destiny or any of the characters mentioned in this story. Sometimes i wish i did...heh.

Yeah I know that Stellar technically dies in Destiny and its all Boohoo psychotic Shinn moment, but in this one I decided that she really isn't dead…just frozen (hopefully my imagination stops frostbite). This one shot takes place approximately one year after the end of the Second Bloody Valentine War.

Finding Happiness

"Shinn…you…said you would…protect me…………….I love you Shinn"

Those haunting last words…the last I ever heard from her. She suffered so much being chemically altered by those…doctors. It hurt to see her go when her body finally gave out. The last image, that ghostly image of her body sinking into the icy lake, arms extended as if to give me one last embrace…I will never forget it…never…

Shinn woke up from the dream he had. It had been a year since the end of the war and still he was haunted by her image in his mind. He knew that he could never love Luna like he did Stellar, so he decided to break things off before he got in too deep. Luna surprisingly understood. She simply nodded and gave him one last hug before disappearing into the night.

"I need to go find her. I must lay her to rest and give her the peace that she deserves."

Since the war had ended, all Mobile suits still functioning had been sealed in impregnable rooms to prevent them from ever being used to incite another painful war. Shinn was stranded. He picked up the phone and dialed a number he never thought he would…Cagalli Yula Attha.

*Ring ring* *Ring ring* "Hello. Attha Residence, may I ask who is calling please?"

"Um…It's Shinn, Shinn Asuka. I'm looking to talk to Miss Attha for a moment."

"Certainly Sir, I shall go inform her that you wish to speak, it will not be long."

Since the last time they had talked on board the Minerva, Shinn had not spoken much to Cagalli. Only once had he spoken to her and that was only to apologize for the insensitive words he had yelled in his fits of rage during the conflict.

"Shinn? Its been a while. How have you been?"

"Hi Miss Athha…."

"Oh cut that out. First off the title 'Miss' makes me feel old. Second, it's no longer Attha but rather Zala. Just call me Cagalli."

"Erm…alright…I guess"

"So what does a boy like you want from me huh?

"Well…umm…I kinda need some help."

"What kind? You haven't gotten into trouble have you?"

"No! Nothing like that."

"Then what is it? Quit beating 'round the bush!"

"Alright…fine…IneedawaytogettoGermanytovisitStellar"

"Excuse me, what?"

"I need to go to Germany so I can go see Stellar."

"Oh…I'm sorry that she's gone and all…"

"I don't know about that…"

"Huh…well, I'll try to arrange something for you. How soon do you need to leave?"

"Well I would like to leave as soon as possible."

"Alright, I'll keep that in mind. I or someone close will call back soon"

"Thanks Miss…ah…Thanks Cagalli."

"Hey, no hard feelings. Alright?"

As Shinn replaced the phone back into its cradle he stared out the window and into the grey winter sky…the same sort of sky that was over him when he placed Stellar's body in the lake. A tear crawled out of his eyes and slithered down his face. He didn't even bother to wipe it away.

"Stellar…I miss you. I miss you so much. We didn't have much time together but I still miss you."

"Shinn…" a ghostly voice floated across the room. Shinn spun around expecting someone to be there. No one was there.

"I'm going insane out of loneliness…Stellar, I can't go on much longer without you…"

The Next Day…

*Ring ring* Ring ring*

"Hello, Shinn Asuka speaking."

"Shinn? Hey its Athrun. Cagalli said you needed transportation to Germany?"

"Yeah…I want to visit Stellar"

"Oh…sorry about her. I know it's been a while but pain like that never really goes away."

"I know…"

"Sorry, anyways on a brighter note, I will be your personal chauffer."

"Huh? Don't you have work?"

"Naw…well yeah, but it's in Germany so it's on the way."

"So when do we leave?"

"Well…if you're up for it, I should be pulling up to your place in about…o say…ha! NOW!" *click*

"Wait…WAIT ATHRUN!!!"

*Beep beep* Athrun's car horn blared outside Shinn's house.

"God that man has no patience." Muttered Shinn as he threw on his warmest clothes and ran out the front door. By the time he had reached Athrun's car he was already half frozen. He pulled open the door.

"You could have called earlier." Griped Shinn.

"Nah, why not go with a bit of spontaneity?" grinned Athrun.

"So how are we getting there?"

"Well, we'll be taking Infinite Justice…or at least what's left of it." Athrun said nonchalantly.

"Wait I thought mobile suits were decommissioned."

"Oh, yeah…hah, I didn't tell you but my personal Lear Jet in named Infinite Justice."

"Oh…you could have explained that."

"Okay I'll give you that one. Let's GO!!!"

With a cheerful yell Athrun pulled out of the driveway and sped towards the airport. Within 30 minutes he had reached it. They boarded the maroon colored Lear Jet and Athrun sent it streaking into the sky. They had been flying in complete silence for most of the trip before Shinn decided to ask something rather important.

"So where are you going to drop me off?" asked Shinn."

"Oh, sorry about that, I can't land or I might be late so I'm literally going to make you jump out."

"WHAT? You want me to parachute?"

"Well, yeah, you don't want to die right."

"Ah…I never did well with that stuff."

"Don't worry. After you clear the plane just pull the strap. Besides I have a survival pack prepped for you. It will last you several days. It even has a pick up beacon. I'll come get you in my car after a minimum of a day."

"That still doesn't sound very safe…"

"Whatever, Cagalli said ASAP, this is the fastest way I know of, heh."

"Are you sure that you two don't have a grudge against me? Cause this seems awfully suspicious."

"Pshhh, grudge? No, I don't hold grudges for very long."

"Alright…I guess."

Suddenly a green light popped on.

"Wait what is that?" Asked Shinn rather nervously.

"Oh, that? Well when the light turns red I get to eject you."

"Oh good god…you're enjoying this aren't you?"

"Well…yeah I am." Replied Athrun with a grin fit for a demon.

"Well just get it over with." Shinn closed his eyes tightly.

"Ready? Steady? LAUNCH!!!" Athrun hit the eject button sending Shin plummeting down to the icy fields below. What Shinn felt was not a rush of ice cold wind…there was none. He was protected in a drop capsule large enough for a single person. In a few seconds the pod would slam into the earth and end Shinn's depressing life…WHAM!!! Or not… The pod had not shattered on impact but rather unfurled its heavy duty computer controlled parachute. Slowly Shinn's pod drifted towards the frozen lake in which Stellar lay.

Touchdown…The pod hissed and the cover slowly opened. Now it was cold. The temperature was significantly lower. Shinn walked over to the frozen lake and knelt at the place he had dropped Stellar's body. Without a pulse her brain would die in 4 minutes. By the time he had placed her in the water it had been 10 minutes. There was no way in hell that she could still be alive. But he had a strange feeling that she was alive…just asleep…deeply asleep.

He brushed away some of the snow that blanketed the ice lake revealing a crystal clear view all the way to the bottom. There he saw a small glint of light. Could it be his imagination? It was impossible that Stellar be alive after all this time frozen here. It was impossible. But he disregarded his rational thought and decided to try and get her out. He had no idea how deep down she was, or if she was there or not. All he knew was that he had to try…

Shinn returned to the drop pod to see what he could use. Surprisingly, he discovered a Plasma bubble what would allow him to travel to the bottom and back in no time. He also found a small beam cutter. It was almost as if Cagalli had known that he would try…He made a mental note to thank his one time enemy. Activating the Plasma Bubble he slowly descended into the frozen lake. As he neared the source of light he powered down the Plasma Bubble and started digging with his beam cutter. Eventually he reached Stellar's last resting place. She had not changed at all…The soft golden hair, the tattered pilot suit, and her face…the face that told him that she had died peacefully. He started to cry…There right in front of his eyes was the one girl he would always and only love. There she was…trapped in the ice…

With his heart aching he started to cut around her body so as to take it back to the surface and bury her for good. He heard a voice from outside the shaft.

"HEY!!! YOU DONE YET SHINN?"

It was Athrun… The guy said he had work but in reality he had lied and ejected Shinn for the sheer fun of it. Cagalli was the one that knew that Shinn wanted to bury Stellar so she provided him with the necessary tools. Athrun was just there for the fun of it…okay so he was also there to help a little.

"SHINN, I'M TOSSING DOWN A ROPE SO WE CAN DRAG HER FROZEN BODY BACK UP TO THE SURFACE! LEAVE HER IN A BLOCK OF ICE!!! I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING AMAZING!"

Having no reason to doubt Athrun, Shinn secured Stellar's block of ice to the rope Athrun had tossed down. Slowly but surely the block and Shinn securely grasping the rope started to rise. At the top Athrun had started to fiddle with the Drop Pod.

"Man. You wouldn't believe what a beauty this machine is." Said Athrun fondly patting the pod's exterior.

"What do you mean?"

"Well it was designed for cryogenics, you know, freezing people and keeping them alive for long periods of time."

"Wait…are you telling me it's possible to bring Stellar back?"

"I wouldn't get your hopes up, her body is pretty screwed up as it is. We need to get her back to Orb before any attempt can be made to resurrect her."

"Please, do what you have to. Please try and bring her back…I…need her."

"That I know man. I know exactly how you feel. I would be doing the same if I were you and Stellar were Cagalli. So let's not waste time and get back."

The two carefully loaded the Stellar-sickle into the Drop Pod. Fluid filled what empty space was left in the pod and super cooled it to keep Stellar frozen.

Fast forward through the flight back to Orb. (WADALLI WADALLI WADALLI WADALLI) ((hope you like my interpretation of the fast forward sound))

Shinn couldn't sleep…not with the chance that Stellar could come back from her icy prison. He sat in the observation room above the operation room where Stellar's cyrogenics pod slowly defrosted her. Surprisingly enough the doctor working on Stellar was Kira. With his ability to willfully activate SEED mode he was capable of performing even the most complicated of surgeries with ease. Shinn left Stellar's fate in the hands of Kira the Ultimate Coordinator…and so the long wait began…and there was nothing Shinn could do…

9:00AM

"Kira! Stellar has finished thawing to the optimal operating temperature. No signs of vitals yet!"

"Calm down, that's to be expected from a girl that died a year ago."

"You think we can bring her back?"

"I don't know, it depends on how thoroughly she has been frozen."

10:00AM

"Doctor! Chemical Anomalies have been found in patient's body! We need to resupply them or her body may not recover."

"NO! Don't inject more chemicals! Her system is damaged as it is. I think we might have to do a total chemical purge."

"That reduces the rate of survival!"

"It also guarantees that she will be able to live normally if she pulls through! It's only a calculated 5% drop in possibility that she comes back!"

"The chance was already slim at 8%! Removing five more percent is too much of a risk!"

"IF WE INJECT THEN SHE WILL DIE NO MATTER WHAT! I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT A 3% CHANCE IS SOMETHING WE SHOULD TURN OUR ATTENTION AWAY FROM! SHE DESERVES TO LIVE!"

"It's your call Doctor.

3:00PM

"Sir, chemical purge is complete. Her system now no longer needs the stimulants to continue to function."

"Good, what is the condition of her body now?"

"Still mostly frozen, no signs of life, no brain activity yet."

"Damn, not just yet…don't give up on me now Stellar…not…yet."

6:00PM

"Doctor , I think we can safely thaw her out."

"Go ahead, but slowly, I want a defrost rate of .5 degrees Fahrenheit height per minute so as to negate possible cyro shock.

9:00PM

"Pulse, steady. Body Temperature, stable. Blood Pressure, normal. Brain activity, minimal. Doctor I believe that we have done everything we can. It's up to her now."

"Damn, we haven't been able to bring back her mind. DAMN IT!!!"

"Calm down doctor, her body condition is completely stable. Maybe if we let visitors in she will come back."

"Maybe you're right. Medicine cannot solve all problems. Let him in."

"Shinn Asuka, you are now permitted to visit Stellar."

End Operation

Shin walks into the cold operation room. On the operating table lies Stellar. Her body is alive but her mind is non-reactive. Tears form in Shinn's eyes as he looks down at the girl he loves…

"Stellar…I'm sorry…I couldn't protect you well enough…" Warm tears fall from his eyes and onto Stellar's face. "Stellar…please, come back. I love you…no it's not just that…I need you! I NEED YOU TO KEEP GOING!!! PLEASE COME BACK." The sheer anguish that resonates in the boy's voice sends shivers down the spine of Kira who was waiting outside of the door.

"I'm sorry Shinn, it's time to move her to the recovery ward. Please understand that we did our best."

Without words, tears still falling from his eyes, Shinn nods and leaves.

Kira looks down at Stellar and then at the brain activity monitor…nothing. He sighs in slight frustration. But at the same time is amazed that after a year of deep freeze in an impromptu cryogenics chamber her body is still alive. Maybe by some fluke of fate or some miracle her mind would start up again. Medically it was impossible but many times the impossible can happen. Maybe this was one of them.

Early the next day.

Shinn hadn't slept in 2 days and felt the fatigue catching up to his body. Dark circles lay around his eyes as he sat next to Stellar's bed. It had only been little more than a day since the surgery but still she showed no signs of waking up. Shinn was thankful that she was at least alive in body and her condition was stable without the need for drugs. Feeling darkness creeping into his mind Shinn finally succumbed to sleep.

It was dark. His dream was dark and he was the only person in it. He was alone in the darkness. Then he heard a sound and turned around. Huddled in a ball was a small girl. He walked towards her but she never seemed to get any closer. He ran with all his strength and still she did not get any closer. He instinctively knew that the girl he saw was Stellar. He tried calling out her name, but no sound came from his mouth. Shinn collapsed to his knees as he screamed in frustration and bitter sadness. Here was the girl he loved, she was so close yet at the same time…so far. It was as if the eerie silent scream got the attention of the girl. She looked up at him and her eyes widened in surprise. She, like him, tried to call out, but her voice was also oddly mute. She was crying... tears poured from her eyes as she struggled towards the boy. But neither could reach the other. It was as if a giant glass wall separated them…the dream faded as Shinn woke up.

Shinn opened his eyes and saw the faces of Kira, Cagalli, Athrun, Lacus, and in the distance…Luna. He was lying on a bed and had no idea how or when he had gotten on it. Kira was the first to notice that Shinn was awake.

"Well, you gave us quite a scare there. You suddenly collapsed and wouldn't respond to anything. But I guess you're fine now."

"How long have I been out?" asked Shinn groggily.

"Surprisingly you've been asleep for about 1 week. You do know that the hospital bills are gonna be…"

*SMACK* both Cagalli and Lacus sharply beat Kira over the head.

"Alright, alright I was joking! Jeez! No really I was joking. All of this will cost you nothing."

"Wait, why nothing? During the war I was your enemy. I almost killed you once Kira. Surely you have some sort of grudge against me."

"Nope, I don't. you want to know why?"

"Why?"

"I learned long ago that grudges prevent you from living to your fullest." Said Kira in as wise of a voice as he could manage.

"Yeah yeah whatever Kira, since he's all good now let's leave and let the two talk."

"Fine, but you owe me a pudding."

"Go to hell."

The group of 4 left leaving Shinn and Luna.

"Um…hi." Shinn started awkwardly.

"Hey…it's been a while." Smiled Luna.

"It has…are you here to…"

"No, I know that you will never love someone more than Stellar. It hurts me to think of it but I know that you will be better off." Luna tightened her grip around her upper arm as if trying to numb the emotional pain with physical pain. "I just want you to know that I loved…no…still love you and no matter what I will always love you."

"Luna…I'm sorry that I couldn't be the man you deserved. You deserve so much more, and I want you to be able to move on. I don't know how to say it differently but…I wish you the best. You saved me when I was deep in the darkness and for that I will never forget you. I want you to be happy even if I am not around. Please, do it for me."

"Shinn…" Luna approached Shinn and gave him a long hug. Shinn hugged her back and released her. Once again Luna disappeared.

Shinn got out of the bed and sat next to Stellar's. Acting purely on impulse, he leaned in and gave her a light kiss. No response, she was still comatose. Shinn's head lowered as he sighed. The fairy tale kiss hadn't worked, nor had he expected it to. He reached for Stellar's hand and grasped it gently. He raised her hand to his face and held it to his cheek absorbing the slight warmth it possessed. Suddenly he felt her hand twitch and heard the sound of the brain activity monitor beep but then go back to silence. The momentary reaction had almost got his hopes up. Shinn made a resolution, he would stay at the hospital for as long as it took for Stellar to wake up.

Three years pass…

Despite his bold resolution, Kira refused to let Shinn stay at the hospital indefinitely even though he had waived the cost of the operation and Stellar's stay. To keep his promise to Stellar he continued to visit her each and every day, never missing a day unless he was violently ill. Every week he would bring new flowers for her room. Each day he visited Stellar he would tell her of the things that had happened in his life since the end of the war. For three years he continued this. Three years had passed and still there was no sign of Stellar ever waking up. Every day that Shinn had gone to visit her he hoped she would wake up and each time he visited she would remain asleep. At this point even Kira had given up hope that Stellar would ever wake up. Shinn remained adamant in his belief that in time Stellar would wake up.

Today was the third anniversary of getting Stellar out of the icy lake. Shinn had a feeling that she would wake up today. With his hopes high, but not too high, he headed for Stellar's room. When he entered Stellar's room he saw her in the corner still attached to various monitors. He walked to her bedside and picked up her hand. The once full and warm hand had now atrophied to a thin emaciated shadow of its former beauty. He held her hand as she slept quietly. Without warning, her eyelids flickered. Shinn leapt out of his chair and stared at her. He whispered her name over and over again. Again her eyelids flickered as if trying to open…Shinn was overjoyed, this was the first sign of activity in her since her hand had twitched in his three years ago. Maybe today was the day…just…maybe…

Stellar's Point of View

Darkness obscured her vision. She had no idea where she was or what she was doing. Her last memory was saying goodbye to a tearful Shinn and then after that she had faded. Time had no hold upon her soul. Her soul had not wandered to heaven but had been trapped by her feelings for Shinn. She refused to let go as she had regretted leaving him in such pain. Finally her soul had returned to her body after years and years of wandering. Finally she would be able to see him again. Finally they could be together. They could be together for at least one more time.

Normal Point of View

Stellar's eyelids continued to flicker. Her breathing sped up and her hand clenched Shinn's with as much force as the emaciated limb could manage. Eventually her eyes flickered open and the first face she saw was her beloved Shinn. She heard him ask, "Can you hear me?" All she could do was nod. With a face that resembled a little boy getting the best Christmas present ever he swooped down and embraced her body fully. Shinn cried as he had never cried before.

"Stellar…I missed you so much. I've been waiting so long for this day. I can't believe it actually came. Stellar, I'm sorry…I'm so sorry… I couldn't…" Shinn didn't finish the sentence as he sank crying into her lap. She gently stroked his hair. By a stroke of luck she had been granted a second chance at life. This time there was no fighting, no suffering. This time she could spend every moment with him. This time…she would find her happiness…

Hey guys, this is actually my first fanfic ever and I wrote it rather late at night. Hopefully you like it. Read and Review please. I would love to hear some comments as to how I can improve my style in the future. I look forward to anything.

I apologize if this fanfiction is similar to others that have been posted earlier. I wrote this solely on my own thoughts and thought process and had no intention of plagerizing anything.


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